I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize