he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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