Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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