it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
