I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
