just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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