I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize