Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
