we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
