FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
