I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
