Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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