if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
