Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
