We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
