I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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