To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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