you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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