i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
