i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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