remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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