PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
