i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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