Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
