So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
