Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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