I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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