I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
