know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
as a side note pls kill me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
