I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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