That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
