that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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