Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
