if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
