why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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