he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
