i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
