please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
