Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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