All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
