The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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