so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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