I wish I could punch you in the face.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
