google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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