He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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