shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
