my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
