The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
