Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
