Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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