We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
