You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize