How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
