I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
