Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
