im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
