I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
