If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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