it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
