Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
