No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
