What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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