I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
