the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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