I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
