Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
