Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
