we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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