your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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