My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i will never coherently bang her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
