She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
