I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
