areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
