Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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