My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
