He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
