We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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