Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
