Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I forget how to act sober
Randomize