How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
