Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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