I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
